Twenty Quotes of Wisdom by Crabbe and Goyle
by NectarAndAmbrosia
Summary: One day, Crabbe and Goyle decide to write down twenty of the most ingenious and useful things they've ever picked up in life. Prepare to be blown away by their sheer brilliance.


Gregory and Vincent's Pocketbook of Wizdom

**We, Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe, will now start riting down our smart sayings on peices of parchmint so that even if we do forget them we can still look at the papers and be able to use them in real life. The wise sayings in this list can be used by anyone in tuff places where you don't know what to do. Evryone thinks that we are dum, but that is not true. We can be just as smart as Draco is, but peepul just don't get that.**

When Draco talks about Harry Potter, start laffing or he will call you slow.

When Pansy Parkinsin starts touching Draco, pretend not to notis or she will look at you wierd and tell you to mind your own bisniss.

When you see Harry Potter nearby and Draco starts swagering towards him to scare him and say funny mean things, make sure to walk threteningly on eether side of him. Maybee even crak your nukulls to be more scary.

When Theodore Not sits with Draco and your other frends (which he never does for some reeson), don't try to talk to him or he will smerk at you and say smart things that you won't get but are probably witty and mean and stuff.

When you are eating in the Great Hall, eat as much as you can or else you won't have enerjy to get throo classes even thoe Snape is nice to all Slytherins becuss he might still give you a bad mark that will make Mum sad.

When you acsidently bump into someone you don't know in the hallways and they are rude and say things like "Goyle, you gorila, why aren't you with Malfoy and Crabbe?" then you should punch them becuss that is easy.

The difrins between leering and sneering is that Draco says that when he does the talking, only he can sneer and that we should leer.

When Draco is being nice and gives you a choclit from his mum's sweet box, don't eat it too fast or you won't be able to laff without choking when he starts insulting Weezly or Potter becuss that is what he always starts doing when he wants to relax and eat choclits.

When you see the Mudblood named Granger walking in the hallways, don't say anything becuss Draco says that it makes no difrins when you call her Mudblood when Potter and Weezly aren't there becuss Draco says there the ones that care.

When Draco leaves you with Pansy Parkinsin, Daffnee Greengrass, Milisint Bulstrode and Tracey Davis and Lilith Moon and they start talking about Witch Weekly and girl stuff, make annoying grunting noises so that they will snap at you to leave and you can finally leave.

Life at Hogwarts is not easy becuss you have classes, which are hard and not easy.

When Draco says something always agree becuss if you say no he will ask you for your opiniun, which is probably difrint, which will make him annoyed.

If you see a Hufflepuff in the coridors, narrow your eyes at them and ball your hands into fists so that they will run away becuss Dad says they are all wimps.

If you see a Ravenclaw in the coridors, narrow your eyes at them and ball your hands into fists so that they will run away becuss they are just smart wimps.

If you see a Gryffindor is the coridors, narrow your eyes at them and ball your hands into fists so that they will try to fight you becuss you know you will always beat them and they are just goody-goody wimps.

When you see Bludgers on the Quidditch feild, Flint says to get it and whack it so that peepul on the other team can get hurt, which is good for peepul on our team.

Draco says that whenever we are walking in the halls, you should walk heavyly and scaryly so that his walk will look smoother and more Malfoy-like.

If you ever find money on the ground, look around for Weezly first and if he is there, wave it around in the air so that his ears can turn red, which is funny.

When someone tells a joke, laff, becuss jokes are supposed to be funny even if you don't get a lot of them.

When Draco uses his bored voice, listen speshully hard, becuss that is when he wants peepul to listen the hardest so that they will laff at the end at something smart he said.

**Lol I really enjoyed doing this. I also have this Twenty Jokes by Percy Weasley heh heh. Obviously, they're as lame as these are dumb. And maybe a few more of the sort. I'd really love a review too, of course…**


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